Eating disorders and body image issues affect nearly everyone. Whether you’ve personally been affected or know someone who has been, share your story with us.
Share NowLearn More About Our ProgramsI hate myself. I would rather have the pain on the outside that I can see, than the pain that I don’t understand on the inside.
- A 16-year-old cutter
Contact Us to Schedule a Presentation
How to Help
What can you do if a friend or your own child tells you that they have been engaging in self-injury?
Listen to your friend or teen. Let them talk to you and tell you what is going on in their life.
Tell someone. You are not a trained professional. You can greatly help your friend or teen by listening, but don’t promise to keep secrets. Think of an adult you trust, and tell them how you are trying to help.
Help your friend or teen to find resources. Help your friend or teen find a good counselor who has expertise and, where applicable, experience in working with teens. There are many outstanding ministers of youth and lay counselors in our churches, and their ministry is quite valuable. Self-injury, however, may be best addressed by a trained professional counselor.
Help your friend or teen to find alternatives to self injury. Distraction from cutting is not a very effective long-term treatment, but it can be an important part of the healing process. Be available to talk, and more importantly, to listen. Join them in beginning some kind of physically demanding aerobic exercise program, such as running or jogging. Help find alternate coping mechanisms when they feel overwhelmed. Sometimes you just need to know that someone cares enough to listen.
Acknowledge your friend’s or teen’s pain. When you are helping someone through a difficult time, it is helpful to acknowledge the struggle they are facing. Avoid any sentence that begins with the words “at least”.
Don’t deliver an ultimatum. Be there for your friend or teen. Don’t tell them that you will no longer be their friend if they don’t stop the self-injury behavior. Don’t set deadlines. Give them time and be accepting of their sometimes slow recovery. Shame is almost never a healthy or effective way to motivate someone to change his behavior. Avoid anything that might be shaming. It will make the problem worse instead of better.
Don’t accidentally reinforce the behavior. Sometimes self-injury can have a mystique about it. Don’t let your friend or teen think that it’s just part of who they are or that self-injury is a sign of strength.
Don’t be responsible for your friend’s or teen’s recovery. Healing can take a long time. Don’t think that if they continue to struggle that you have done something wrong.
Pray for your friend or teen daily.
Source: Rod Marshall, a licensed counselor and director of counseling for Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes and Family Ministries